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13 March 2010 @ 04:10 pm
I haven't had a full, clear, substantial dream in about a year. I don't know if I attribute it to tucking your photo underneath my faerie mask directly above my bed, but the significance of it startles me.
I woke up with the best feeling I've had since you left.

In the dream you were mine, my lover, my man, my King. You held me tight to your strong body, wrapped me in the warmth of your arms. I can still feel it. Your smile still the same, still sparkles amidst thick darkness and still sends my world spinning when you part those beautiful lips. In the dream you were my protector, you shielded me from the harshness outside of our embrace. The stinging words from bitter ones, you fought their words with yours and pulled me in closer. Not too close though, as to crush the thing growing inside my belly. I'd been pregnant for a while, it seemed. I could feel the time coming near, to give birth. So strange, I could feel it inside me. I kept touching my belly, wrapping my arms around myself, indulging in the feeling of womanhood at it's finest.

It was just a dream. Though a dream amongst hundreds of blank nights.
My Body Lies: in your hands
I Feel: peacefulpeaceful
I Hear: my own thoughts
25 January 2010 @ 06:02 pm

his voice soothes in the sleepy night.
he stares, she stares.
brief moments shared. a future in his eyes.
a wish in her heart.

his words fill my head. a photo to hold. it's all i have.
it's nothing, and it's everything.
await the moment. i'll wait.
My Body Lies: without it's wings
I Feel: worriedworried
I Hear: buzzing
31 October 2009 @ 12:44 pm
spicy vanilla smoke and premonitional dreamsCollapse )
Tags: ,
I Feel: accomplished
I Hear: Kina Grannis - Strong Enough
20 April 2007 @ 03:48 pm
the time between friction lessens
i fear time will eventually
fail to exist
a massive ball of fire
too much to bare
leaving blisters on
something that will in itself
cease to exist
scars that might have been inevitable
but less
if otherwise
on the other hand...
your capricorn dirt distinguishes my sag flames
and the sweltering heat
into sweet smoke
that leaves our body fragranced
as a campfire incense

--These words are about a relationship. Intimate. Passionate. Loving. Intense. Intensity in love, intensity in anger & rage. "The time between friction lessons. I feel time will eventually fail to exist. A massive ball of fire." It talks about how much rage is there, how little the moments of greatness are, between the anger and pain. A fear of great moments ceasing to exist and leaving only the intense anger & rage & hate & pain - "the friction". "A massive ball of fire" from the chaos of it all. Leaving blisters, scars, harsh memories if you will, on the memories of an intense soul creeping spirit shuddering, aching love.
That is what it means. Thank You.
There are far too many ordinary things in life, love should not be one of them.

That borderline-obsession type. Intense, erotic, insanely spiritual type. Where you'd die for eachother in half a heartbeat and you both know it like nothing else. A modern-day old-fashioned fairytale romance. Where a look speaks more than a thousand words could. Bathing in eachothers physical beings. Taking care of and being taken care of. Enveloping kisses and blood rising body heat.
I Feel: determineddetermined
18 October 2006 @ 11:56 pm
I imagine you marrying a beautiful woman with long flowy strands of ebony hair. She'll have an accent and speak in whispers as if not to disturb the constant erratic speed of butterflies swarming your bellies. She'll hold a pistol in one hand and your heart in the other. You will feed her berries in bed under a cascading waterfall of rose scented sheets. She will bring you gifts from the garden and you will build her a rocking chair to lull her to sleep while she's pregnant. She will love you and you will worship her. I imagine you marrying a beautiful woman that doesn't exist of this world. You will constantly ask if she is real. She will kiss your forehead, fortell your dreams, and assure you she is.

you believe that I'm not this woman. That's fine. But could you please not be the man that I imagine??
I Feel: numbnumb
I Hear: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I Feel: hopefulhopeful
07 October 2006 @ 03:10 pm
Passes time so easily...

I wish I was a different ethnicity.
I have an eating disorder.
*I'm short.
I'm tall.
I think I’m really attractive.
I prefer winter over summer.
*I'm a geek.
*I’m a shopaholic.
*I’m reasonably intelligent.
*I’m attracted to girls.
*I’m attracted to boys.
I like British accents.
*I smoke regularly.
I drink regularly.
I smoke socially.
*I drink socially.
*I get drunk easily.
I do drugs.
*I will never date a bad kisser. (Kissing is important!!)
I’ve lied to avoid kissing them again.
I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
*I’m religious.
I’m not religious but have morals.
*I’m impulsive. (Sometimes)
*I’m hardworking. (Sometimes)
*I liked Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. (LOOOOOVED that movie!!)
She’s All That is one of my favourite movies.
I'm good at history.
I speak more than two languages.
*I enjoy taking pictures.
*I like spending money on myself.
*I like spending money on others.
I have a regular income.
I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
*I pay my own bills. (Usually)
I rely on my parents for money.
*I can cook.
I enjoy cleaning.
Tidyness is a must in my life.
*I like clutter.
My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
I have heard of Blonde Redhead.
I enjoy Blonde Redhead.
*I'm fashion-conscious.
*I have good taste.
*People tell me I have good taste. (some people)
I excel academically.
I've been told I've yet to fulfill my potential. Hundred Billion times
I’m good at sports.
I'm good at certain sports.
*I couldn't do (TEAM) sports to save my life.
*I’m creative.
*I’m artistically inclined.
*I wanna be an artist when I grow up. (Grow up?? Something in the Arts though, yes.)
I wanna be an engineer when I grow up.
I eat when I'm upset.
I cannot adapt to change.
I’m interested in politics.
*I have shoplifted.
*I download MP3s.
*I've done underage drinking.
I've gone underage clubbing.
*I can dance reasonably well.
I can dance extremely well.
I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
I can sing.
I can sing like someone stepped on my foot.
*I can swim.
I enjoy surveys.
*I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
*I keep a journal.
My teachers don't like me.
I enjoy controversy.
*I have a thing for bad/mean/arrogant/gangster boys. (BAD boys)
*I have tattoos. (just 1 right now)
I’ve been in a nudist colony.
I’m not sure if I want to have children.
I’m not sure if I’ll get married.
I know who I will marry.
*I'm interesting. (Lol, I think so)
*I’m a good liar. (Yes, if need be)
People enjoy talking to me.
*I annoy people from time to time. (Hah! Probably)
I'm a born leader.
I’m a born leader but shouldn’t lead.
I don't lead, but feel like i should, but just don't.
I enjoy felching. (WTF???)
I have a foot fetish.
*I have a shoe fetish.
I watch "Sex and the City".
*I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty. (I'm sorry, I think she's got pretty hair though)
I wanna be J.Lo.
I cut myself.
*I've cut myself.
I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
I hate popular people.
I think cheerleading is a sport.
I'm photogenic.
I live in Chucks.
*I think graffiti is art.
*I have dated a criminal.
*I have been cheated on.
*I have cheated on someone.
*I have a temper.
*I like playgrounds.
*I dance in the rain.
I’m obsessed with Shakespeare.
I have tanlines.
My favourite color is pink.
*My favourite color is black. (One of them is..)
I would classify myself as emo.
I'm musically inclined.
*I like listening to music.
*I like music-blasting cars.
Thongs are comfortable.
*I like flip-flops.
*I know what monogamy is...
*...and I believe in it.. (Hell yes)
I wanna be a social worker when I grow up.
*I have sibling/s.
My sibling/s annoy me.
I think "South Park" is funny.
*I believe in LOVE.
*I want to make a difference.

I tag YOU.
I Feel: tiredtired
I Hear: Throwing Muses - Snake
06 October 2006 @ 08:35 pm
get my fucking heart out of your teeth
i know i put it there
you're not chomping down too hard
but when you smile
you clench
and it hurts
when you talk
it slips and grinds on the jagged edges
stop it

I Feel: crushedcrushed
I Hear: Blessid Union Of Souls - I Believe
05 October 2006 @ 01:04 am
I can't fuuuuuuucking believe it.
I'm so damn excited.
I'm going to L.A. on the 13th.
Yeah...I know...Friday the 13th. Hmm hell yeah I still wanna go!
V-boy bought me a ticket so I can come down and see him since he's been down there so long. I can't fucking wait! OMG Excited as hell. I can't wait to see him.
What does this mean? I mean, this is the one only attainable through my dreams.
And it was a suprise!! He bought the ticket and had it sent to me in the mail. We're driving back up here in a couple days...says the drive is amazing. I can't wait. I can't wait.
Says he's gonna take me to Venice. The "Oil streaked sky..." Says to bring some clothes (x-tra ones) in case he wants to take photo's of me. I am fucking excited as hell.
Sitting in the passenger seat of his car in camo leggings and big sunglasses listening to Bone Thugs watching the sun set on beautiful California.
OMG. Ok. I'm gonna drive myself nuts if I don't settle down.
I Feel: ecstaticecstatic